FMiH. Thank you.
Many thanks to all who supported and participated in
Find Me in Here!
A work founded on the original contributions of several individuals, its public life was short lived, culminating with two “final” performances at the end of August, 2009. What I have learned from the experience continues to have its effect and I look forward to exploring further the questions of creative process and product that
Find Me in Here raised.
Similarly, I am always eager to engage with your comments and questions and look forward to many conversations about dance, performance, and creative work.
esther m palmer
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open studio 10.
It's a semi-open studio. I'm here and the chairs are out-- but I'm also exhausted and cannot comment today. I suppose those days happen too.
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MMeO. Makeup results.
Well, the makeup went largely unnoticed, which is probably a good thing.
Friend 1 started ever so slightly when she saw my face, which I learned later was partly a moment of comparison dismay in the face of my dressier-than-usual appearance, where she wore comfortable jeans and a hoodie - looking very pretty, I must say, albeit not "fancied" for a night out.
Friend 2 I made the mistake of giving advance notice of the presence of the makeup and so all she noticed was the mascara and lipstick (barely), which wouldn't be so bad except that she's well exercised in face fashion and if mine were actually working to enhance, I think she would have noticed. It must be time for the visit to a professional!
I am going to set up an appointment with a makeup consultant at
MAC cosmetics (the choice determined by the introduction - a friend of mine knows this guy). I'm of course super curious to see what colors he chooses for me - I can't really figure it out myself because while I have ivory pale skin, I have freckles, and where I have a blue undertone in my skin, my eyes waver between blue and green and, again, I have freckles. I am a pale/blue base with rosy/warm spots. Lovely. Browns are too brown, pinks are too pink. And I'm completely incapable of choosing the proper in-between. Also, I've never learned how to put the darn stuff on correctly. It is not easy, in case you weren't sure.
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MMeO. Makeup.
I am by no means through transforming my wardrobe, and transforning my body, while certainly in-progress -and I am thrilled that "working out" (weights + cardio - "aerobics" is so 80's) in my 8x6 living room space is a actually a completely acceptable way (given my limited budget of money + time) to keep my spirits high and my body getting stronger and with more calcuable + therefore preventable strain on my knees than dancing- is years from being complete (while all of the components of appearance take effort on my part, the change to my way of life is greatest through "body" habits). All this to say I am moving on to include in my daily efforts the application and wearing out in public of... makeup.
Tonight I am going to a exhibition talk at
apexart where curator Robert Punkenhofer's
A Way Beyond Fashion exhibition just opened on Wednesday.
A close friend is joining me, and later we may meet up with
another dear friend, and then possibly even crash my boyfriend's fashion strike pub crawl, where all of his friends know me too. I am anxiously anticipating their reactions to my altered state of face. I worry that, for once not having followed the advice of anyone, my makeup is all wrong. My apartment has wretchedly spotty lighting (normally a beautiful thing) and while I think the makeup turned out ok, it still looked too much to me. I have a freckled and uneven complexion, so adding foundation, powder, blush, and eye shadow --oh yes, and mascara-- is a bit of a shock. I feel very... ivory. (That's the name of the foundation shade.) And now some guy on the train is trying to name all the states in the union in an effort to pinpoint first the midwest and second the state in the midwest from which I admit to have hailed. Um... WHY is this dude talking to me?!!! And when I say dude, I mean it in a categorical way. Hrrm. It can't possibly be the make-up...
Well I don't think that's it, but now I've completely lost my train of thought and have in the meantime arrived at my destination and (woah, that's
vito acconci over there!) am waiting for my first friend of the evening, noticing that my lip gloss has dried up.
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MMeO. Wearing it on my sleeve.
Slowly and over the past several months I have been learning the clothing lessons. I spend a good deal more time browsing sales (online mostly) and worrying about not having the right shoes (I still need several more pairs) since really, shoes are critical to one's wardrobe. They have to function (absorbing shock to minimize wear + tear on the joints b/c even at my young age, they're going) and show flair (b/c it is so easy to be outlandish in one's shoes without making others uncomfortable about one's excessive fashion statement). I have spent more money than comes naturally on new shoes + clothes and it only makes me more aware of how many articles I still lack. I can say I have been rather creative (yes even at 630AM) dressing for my new job. Now that I am desk bound, I feel freer to put together any most outfit and bolder about wearing my "nice" clothes, since there's guaranteed not to be any ladder climbing. It is also through my marked effort this summer + fall that I have even ventured into wearing skirted things. I have revived at least one old dress that may not be all together fashionable but is flattering in a classic way. The handful of dresses acquired in the search for the perfect outfit to wear to someone else's wedding have all seen daylight more than once (including the successful dress), which might be a dress wearing record for me.
But mostly I am simply learning to read everything more confidently and quickly than I did before, which makes me both more at ease with other people's appearance and attire and also anxious about not living up to my own potential in outfit-making. And also my drive to look more grown up and sophisticated is fading. In part because I find whatever feelings of confidence I gain are troubled by lurking shadows of falseness. Perhaps also because I can associate this type of dress only with work and scheduled commitments, which are not bad, but feel constricting.
So here I am, missing my days of denim + tees, but making "progress" nonetheless.
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FMiH. A week later.
More than a week since
Find Me in Here came and went, and I still have yet to watch the videos from our final shows. I don’t actually want to watch the videos, since I got to see the performances, but at some point I need to put bits + pieces up here to share a small view on how vastly different the various shows were.
We loved dancing at Green Space –relishing the smooth wooden floor to turn and glide on, the emotionally framing lights, the palpable silence that made room for the rhythms of the piece.
Find Me in Here was meant to be seen in these intimate surroundings, meant to be casual and formal all at once. Taking it out to the parks was educationally disorienting –but also a thrill because for all that was missing in the “normal” of dance’s* context, I think viewers still found moments that drew them in with the same rapt focus, that saw the dance standing on its own two feet in the noise and bustle of public life. Wherever and however it’s meant to be seen as a production, the dance can convey wonders regardless of setting. Wonders, questions, moments of pause, confusion, delight, disgust –the same range of emotions, albeit easier to spend time with in the concert setting, are available anywhere. At least, so it seemed with
Find Me in Here.
*I use the term “dance” here in a very limited capacity, not intending to encompass all its diverse forms and understandings, barely even referring to all of concert dance, mostly just meaning to discuss my own work.
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