electromagnetic pulse

MMeO. My self-examination, question 4.

4. What do I want to change about the discrepancy (between #2 + #3)?

When I started this project, I was secretly excited at the prospect of changing my self-image for the better. Key to this, however, is change. And I'm discovering that while there are things about myself that I wish were different, I'm not all-too-comfortable with the idea of changing. As I keep growing (up), I know myself better and better. And so for "better or worse," I am familiar to me. And while my appearance still feels out of sync with who I am, I am starting to be familiar with that as well - with the relationship between how I look and how I feel in my body, a relationship that is largely discordant. Or maybe it's that I don't want to face that disappointment every day - disappointment in my actions as much as my "fate" (or genetics) - and facing myself in the mirror every day is the sharpest reminder of that... right?

What kinds of mirrors are there? Can I break down my discomfort with facing myself? Or is it easier to continue living with the familiar sensations of disappointment rather than risk changing into someone that I don't know yet? What if that will be worse? Is this more about how I will deal with the confusion of a new discord?

Does my appearance have that much power to change me?

Labels: MMeO

posted by e m p @ 10:06 PM